A recent police briefing asked the general public to report any anarchists to their local police. A swiftly issued apology from Scotland Yard appears to be more concerned about the wording of the briefing (see below) than the intent, which they claim was to gather information on "criminal acts". Like being an anarchist, by the sound of it. These anarchists must be very dangerous, if the police are after them!

We thought we should produce a handy guide to help you decide if you have any anarchist tendencies in your political views. These subversive types have influence far and wide, and their deviant politics may have infected your mind already.

Take our simple test to see if you need to hand yourself in to the Police for processing as a dangerous subversive.

Question 1) You see an old lady getting harassed by a young man in the street. What do you do?

Intervene and help her.

Leave well alone. Her attacker could have a knife and it's the job of the police to sort these things out. If only CCTV could be more of a presence on our streets.

Question 2) You're waiting in a bus stop queue and a person with a walking stick turns up. What do you do?

Let them in before you. They probably need a space on the bus more than you.

Tell them to join the back of the queue, first come first served, baby.

Question 3) Due to government cuts, your local hospital is proposing opening a McDonald's franchise as their patients' cafe. How do you feel?

What? We need less corporate intervention in our public services. McDonald's and the NHS should be kept as far apart as possible.

Great! McDonald's offer salads now, they must be healthy.

Question 4) One day you go for a walk from the small village in the middle of no-where that you live in. You discover a beautiful lake and picturesque fields. What do you do?

Run back to the village to tell everyone about the lovely place so that you can all share it.

Build a fence around the lake and fields so that you can charge the other villagers entry.

Question 5) You see the Daily Mail has a headline blaming immigrants for the lack of jobs and council housing. What do you think?

This is just classic divide and rule strategy. No one can help where they were born. Plenty of immigrants come here because our foreign policy has started wars or installed corrupt governments where they were born. There are no jobs and council housing because government and big business would much rather use sweatshop labour where there are less stringent labour laws, and they would rather not pay for a welfare state.

Goddamn right, they should keep Johnny Foreigner out, with their weird religions. They are probably all terrorists anyway. Why should they get the few jobs and houses that are left here? I was born here so I should be front of the queue. If this gets much worse I'm moving to Australia or the US.