Sometimes it baffles even the warped minds of the Space Hijackers to see what the people we battle against decide to do. It really is true that real life is stranger than fiction.

Clarion Events, recent owners of the DSEi bi-annual arms fair in the Docklands have obviously lost track of their commonsense and moral compasses. In a move which can only be described as totally bizarre, the events company decided that their other shows such as "The Baby Show" and "The Spirit Of Christmas" would be beautifully complimented with a few Arms Fairs.

Their recent links to the arms trade have seen Baby Show sponsors Bounty jump ship and charity Unicef refuse to accept the door money donations they had been promised.

With several years of work with the arms fair under our belts, we felt it would be rude not to attend the recent Baby Show at Earls Court, and see if we could help Clarion in their hour of need. Obviously Clarion's marketing team had gone AWOL, so the hijackers stepped in to help with a bit of cross marketing for their various events.

"Hello madam, I see you're off to the baby show today, perhaps you'd also be interested in attending our arms fairs?"

Armed with informative leaflets, questionnaires and vouchers the Hijacker marketing team hit the streets of Earls court to let the hormonal expectant mothers know all about the variety of events that Clarion put on. For some reason, Clarion themselves had gone remarkably quiet?

Dressed in our smartest attire, we paced the entrance to Earls Court chatting to glowing mothers and cheerful fathers about the fact that Clairion cater for both extremes of the human experience, both life, and death.

"Expectant mothers and Wannabe Warlords, we cater for all"

Agent PA by far outshon the rest of us, nipping off parents left right and centre. However it soon became apparent that our helpful marketing outreach for Clarion was backfiring! The Mother and Father of Melia, aged 9 weeks were off on their first outing and really looking forward to the fair. Agent PA approached them and asked them to fill in a quick marketing questionnaire. However no sooner had she brought up the Arms Fair than the couple's eagerness began to wane. Eventually the mother decided she would rather give up her day out than spend her money in an event organised by Clarion. Other attendees told us they felt physically sick when they found out about Clarion's arms trading links.

We handed out hundreds and hundreds of leaflets to couples and exhibitors in the fair. We struck up conversations with dozens of people, the vast majority of whom were appalled to hear of the organisers dirty secret. People full of the joy of bringing life into the world probably aren't the best people to market instruments of death to, oops.

Eventually the tide of pregnant bellies began to slow and we realised our work was done.

Bring on "The Spirit Of Christmas Show" we can't wait...

if you wish to speak to, or email Clarion about their events please feel free to contact them