Tailors Tips

Well hello there, let me introduce myself, My name is Charles Ponsenby-Smythe, your online tailor.
My page is here to offer dressing and etiquette tips to all you gentlemen.

Tip of the Week:

Bow Tie & Windsor

As explained by my esteemed if rather sharp tongued colleague Rear-Admiral Barton William Fitz-Barton VI, we give you chaps and cross-dressing ladies the low down on how to correctly tie your tie:

HOW TO TIE A BOW-TIE & THUS NOT LOOK A BLOODY DISGRACE
"Hello. I'm the disembodied uppermost torso of Rear-Admiral Barton William Fitz-Barton VI, and I'm here to explain to you hopeless lot how to tie a bow-tie properly, and thus undertake your protests with a certain air of dignity."


1. Now pay attention, because this gets rather tricky pretty swiftly, let me tell you. Place the aforementioned garment around your neck, situating it so that A is longer than B.

2. Cross A over B. It rather reminds of a fellow I once met in Delhi, funny chap, one leg, and cross-eyed, and he used to perform this extraordinary gesture while he spoke, exactly like a gannet flapping its wings in a stiff breeze.


3. Bring A up and under the loop, much in the same way one would if training a gun dog to fetch pheasants, or a servant, as the need applies.

4. Now double B over itself to form the front base loop of the tie. You see, I always remember this by thinking of what my old Quartermaster used to tell me, which I can't quite remember now, but it certainly helped.


5. Loop A over the centre of the loop you just formed, easily done if you picture the position of the warships during the Allied assault on Gallipolli. God, what a glorious day it was! The sun shone, the trumpets blew like Hell, and there was an excellent Château Latour at dinner!


6. Holding everything in place, double A back on itself and poke it through the loop behind the tie, like a Cardinal would on encountering a difficult stain on the Pope's laundry.


7. Adjust the tie by tugging at the ends of it and straightening the centre knot. You are now ready to protest to your heart's content without fear of mockery or indeed violent reprisal from the police, who are predominantly working class and therefore in awe of a well-completed bow tie.

HOW TO TIE A WINDSOR KNOT AND THUS NOT LOOK A YOBBO

"Hello. I'm the disembodied uppermost torso of Rear-Admiral Barton William Fitz-Barton VI, and I'm here to tell you bally scruffy ruffians how to tie a Windsor knot, eh what!"


1. Situate the ruddy thing so that A is longer than B and cross A over B. Simple enough, even for those without the benefit of an Oxbridge education!

2. Bring A up through loop between collar and tie; then back down, d'you see?

3. Pull A underneath B and to the left, and back through that damned loop again.

4. Bring A across the front from left to right, or port to starboard, as we naval coves put it.

5. Pull A up (north) through the loop again.

6. Bring A down (south) through the knot in front.

7. Using both hands, tighten the knot and draw up to collar. Make sure you own an adequate tie-pin to hold the whole contraption in place, or you're rogered, as my old Quartermaster used to say!
 

 

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